1. It is wrong to think that just because a marriage is a Christian one it will be better. The problem with this thinking is that couples may be less likely to put effort into it, while in fact, any good marriage requires work.
2. There is a misunderstanding of true love. How many people go into marriage without a clear concept of what constitutes true love, associating it only with feelings or having sex? Isn’t it interesting how many couples fall in love, get married because they want to spend the rest of their life with the other person, but then several years later they get a divorce because they no longer want to even live together.
3. It has been said that love heals all wounds. Is that really true? One can love another but still have emotional hurts from past relationships that, if brought into a marriage can result in serious issues.
4. Some people believe that there is only one right person to marry. This causes so much frustration in finding a life mate. The fact is that there are many people who could be a “suitable helper” as it says in Genesis 2:18. The more important thing is that, whomever one marries, they threat the other person right.
5. Living together before marriage. When this is done it is probably most likely assumed that there is sex going on outside of marriage. This is not God’s ideal and plan. See Hebrews 13:4.
6. Same-sex marriage. Grown children who were reared in same-sex marriages are speaking out and saying it doesn’t work. They are saying they wished they had had a mom and a dad. See my article, “Does Same-Sex Marriage Work,” on this blog.
7. There are situations where divorce is justified, but how often is it a “way out” of a bad relationship instead of seeking the resources and counseling to make it work.
8. Wrong concepts about headship and submission as taught by some Christians can pose a real problem in marriages.
9. Not knowing enough about the other person, especially their past, can cause serious issues in a marriage.
10. Is there such a thing as “love at first sight.” No. Why? Because to love someone means you know things about them but still choose to love them “unconditionally.” There is “like at first sight” or “physical attraction at first sight,” but at that point you don’t know anything about them.
Building block number 6: Know what makes successful marriages and relationships, then faithfully practice it.
This must especially include learning and demonstrating real love. Marriages succeed because two imperfect people are determined to make them work, by applying principles and practices that result in good relationships. Good marriages don’t just happen; they require hard and persistent work.
Foundational Scripture Verses:
Genesis 2:18-25, Ephesians 5:22-6:4, Colossians 3:18-21, I Peter 3:1-9, Hebrews 13:4, I Corinthians 13, and all the “one another’s” in scripture.
- Do you feel your marriage or dating relationship is generally going in a positive or negative direction? What are some specific reasons that seem to indicate that?
- Could you list at least three ways to improve your marriage, or other relationships?
- Do you believe you are ready for marriage? Why or why not?
- Is love a choice, a feeling, or both? Which is most important for a relationship to work?