If you are contemplating marriage, or have recently become married, your spouse has a past life that can be brought into a marriage, like it or not. This is what many newly married couples fail to realize. Too often, not much attention is given to it. This past life can consist of many elements: upbringing, family environment while growing up, values, morals (or lack of), addictions, religious teachings, abuse, separation or divorce, and other issues that I may not have included.
It is absolutely essential that conversations exist between the two parties that specifically focus on issues of the past that may negatively impact a marriage. Many couples can have problems right from the very beginning, but may not know why. For example, if a person has gone through a divorce and is presently in a new relationship, it is crucial that both people identify the cause, or causes, behind the divorce. If this is not dealt with, there can be a repeat of the same pattern. There must not be any secrets from the past withheld from a potential marriage partner. Maybe that woman is beautiful, but if she has experienced any kind of sexual or emotional abuse in previous relationships or within her family, it could be bad for the relationship. Perhaps that man is a handsome hunk, but if he has, say, anger issues that are not being revealed, they could raise their ugly head later on in the relationship. There is a tendency to put forth one’s best appearance of character when dating in order to woo someone over. There is also a desire, of course, to want the other person to like you.
Out of all the issues which could be addressed is that of divorce, since so many younger and older people are getting remarried after divorce. As mentioned earlier, but bears repeating, the causes of a divorce must be identified by both individuals. Was the reason because of money problems? I have learned over the years from the experts that money is one of the primary causes of divorce. Was it over differences so great that they could not be reconciled for the happiness of the marriage? Perhaps it was due to not being able to talk about things. A marriage counselor told me years ago that it is not so much the issues that are the problem, but the inability to talk about them in a constructive manner. The bottom line, though, is do you know enough about why the other person got divorced, or why their spouse left them, that it will not carry over into a new relationship?
Now here is the real clincher. Are there things that a person wished he or she had known about their previous husband or wife before they married them, that could have been discussed if only the attention had been given to do so? (Of course, some things are revealed only in the course of time of being around each other.) If that was the case, decide to not make that same mistake again. Everyone has a past that we bring into marriage. It is not knowing enough about that past that causes problems. So, if you are contemplating marriage, or re-marriage, do a lot of talking, about a lot of things. And be willing to let your guard down and be brutally honest with one another. It could determine the success of your marriage.