Even though this article can have very broad applications, I am thinking primarily of conversations in marriage relationships. It is not so much what the issues are, but much more importantly, how the issues are talked about. There are certain words or phrases that need to be avoided when it comes to having a positive and constructive conversation. If wrong words are used at the beginning, this can already right from the very outset, start a conversation on a negative tone. A battle is already brewing. So, what are these words?
One of the words to avoid is “never.” Don’t say your spouse never —— (fill in the blank). The truth is probably that he or she some times does whatever you are saying they never do. It is much better to say “some times” and maybe the other person is thinking, “Well, I really do this all the time,” rather than the other way around.
Another word to never use is “always.” It is probably not accurate to accuse your spouse of always doing something that is not correct or that ticks you off. The fact may be that they don’t do something all of the time.
While it may be true in some cases that your spouse never does something you desire, or always does something that you wished he or she would not do, but it does no good to use those words. It just adds fuel to the fire!
A third word to stay clear of is “you” at the beginning of a sentence. Right from the beginning you have pointed the finger at the other person or cast blame. Saying, “You never” or “You always” is not good for any conversation.
I know this is a very short blog, but it contains words of wisdom that I have learned the hard way. The way two or more people talk about issues can become even a greater issue in itself.